I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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