If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
