too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
