im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
