So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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