i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
