sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
