btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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