New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
