Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My vagina just recognized that song.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
