your parents love me but you hate me
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Sorry about my life...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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