so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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