so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
