I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
