Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
