watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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