Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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