could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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