Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
