so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
