were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
