I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
