Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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