dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
