Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
