I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
