dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
