she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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