I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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