Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
