I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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