so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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