I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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