You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
