remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
