It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
