i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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