dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
