who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
