I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize