yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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