I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
