I think my fart just growled at me.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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