I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
ttyl tear gas
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Randomize
