my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Everclear isn't food dammit
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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