Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
