I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
