I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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