this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
