Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
