Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
