you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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