My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
