My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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