Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
