Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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