mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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