ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
