Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
