john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
