Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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