I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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