matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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