3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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