that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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