Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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