she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My vagina is very pro this idea
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