sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
