I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
