You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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